On first read...you're too hard on yourself. You've been approaching this as openly and honestly and self-reflectively as you and any reasonable person could, and you don't, IMHO, really owe anything to the folks who have said, in one coded way or another, keep me out of it. They're not yours for this, even though they care about you in their own ways. It's hard to feel like you're not being transparent with family members you care about, but I don't think you have to share further with people who've said, no thanks. They opted out, you know? (And if they opt in, you share what you're willing to at that moment. Also, I get that your bro's and aunt's positions might feel like rejection, and/but it might not be, and/but you can take it that way if that's where you're at. They're not experiencing what you are. They could be open; right now, they are less so.) So, this is your path with these other people, these relatively (UGH, language, no pun intended) unknown folks, who are tentatively interested in walking it with you now for a few or more steps. My 2 cents...very much not a therapist, as you know! Much love.
Also...and this is my southside Chicago coming out...don't let anybody in your family circle bamboozle you after the fact. You did your best to be transparent, and if they wanna throw stones, well, instead they can kick rocks.
I love you so much Kate. This is why you are the best of allies. You echo what my therapist said but in a way that you and I talk...;) I want to allow myself to look forward to this. My dead mom looms above me but I'm trying to give her some space, wherever she is, and take mine. UGH. Love love love. And, yes, my aunt/bro are who they are and I cannot bend myself or my experience/choices to accommodate them, even if it were possible to do so.
On first read...you're too hard on yourself. You've been approaching this as openly and honestly and self-reflectively as you and any reasonable person could, and you don't, IMHO, really owe anything to the folks who have said, in one coded way or another, keep me out of it. They're not yours for this, even though they care about you in their own ways. It's hard to feel like you're not being transparent with family members you care about, but I don't think you have to share further with people who've said, no thanks. They opted out, you know? (And if they opt in, you share what you're willing to at that moment. Also, I get that your bro's and aunt's positions might feel like rejection, and/but it might not be, and/but you can take it that way if that's where you're at. They're not experiencing what you are. They could be open; right now, they are less so.) So, this is your path with these other people, these relatively (UGH, language, no pun intended) unknown folks, who are tentatively interested in walking it with you now for a few or more steps. My 2 cents...very much not a therapist, as you know! Much love.
Also...and this is my southside Chicago coming out...don't let anybody in your family circle bamboozle you after the fact. You did your best to be transparent, and if they wanna throw stones, well, instead they can kick rocks.
I love you so much Kate. This is why you are the best of allies. You echo what my therapist said but in a way that you and I talk...;) I want to allow myself to look forward to this. My dead mom looms above me but I'm trying to give her some space, wherever she is, and take mine. UGH. Love love love. And, yes, my aunt/bro are who they are and I cannot bend myself or my experience/choices to accommodate them, even if it were possible to do so.
Always.