Rachel, Tripp, Erika, A.B.--thank you so much for your comments and cheering-on. And IF and AAS for the likes. Y'all keep me sane. Tripp on yes on Pixies. Those short punchy songs keep you going. Completely right. Shaky shake, levitate me. Love you all.
This makes sense, the tiredness. Hard to maintain that level of emotion maybe. And still okay to feel sad, mad, frustrated and also relieved. And your journey of acceptance with the limits or surprising revelations of others abilities to emphasize - all a journey. What is it? Radical acceptance. Still working on that over here. Love you
Totally, on the radical acceptance. There are more details I want to share that seem both petty and, yes, frustrating/surprising. But for now, just waiting for the rain. I love you back.
After a winter of heavy, heavy snow, and a springtime of regular mountain rains, the steep front yard had filled with fading tulips, irises & a clutch of thick, vibrant grass. Winding down a chat with Minneapolis brother, I was casting about for the right record to play loudly thru these fancy headphones I had been gifted, something to put the juice in my step, a needed nudge or poke to rip the cord on the lawnmower & get started on this arduous chore. A few bands were suggested, typical heavy rock and metal, that I vetoed out of hand. Tim said what about Surfer Rosa/Come on Pilgrim?God-Damn was that the right choice! Hadn’t listened to those records front to back in years, but with my headphones bumping at a dangerous level above the rumble of the lawnmower I was right back into the blistering intensity of those jams, and the hilarious banter between the songs. Having trouble getting motivated for a chore or physical task? Looking for a record that rips to get you through a long drive, or just something to accompany you thru the morning coffee or evening cocktail? Try Come On Pilgrim/Surfer Rosa, full gas. LFG! happy day.
So glad the time away helped. I think it's good to get out of your usual setting, just take a break from it. And I totally get the bring "tired of it". Emotions are exhausting!
I too was the flavor of the month with my biologicals - for almost ten years.
And naively assumed that I would be so forever after
It really ramped up when I had kids - sort of the first of their generation in the family.
And then the next one in line had babies, and *poof* their attention went elsewhere
Ever since, we talk if I call, we text it I text (and almost without fail, I get, "I was just thinking about texting you!"), we email if I send the first, and I see them, only if I hop on a plane.
We now have a history that allows me to do that without it being awkward, and I know you don't have that (yet). But I am clearly yesterday's news, and I will never, despite now knowing them more years than I haven't, truly be one of them (for better or for worse, and there definitely is a better side, though admittedly, it's mostly worse).
And now I have a new brother (I have a new BROTHER!!) and it's so exciting, but now I am the old guard. I don't have the fresh need he has, having been raised an only child by parents who were elderly by the time he started high school, and gone before he was 30, to connect with someone who shares genetic material. But I get it in a way that my bio sibs do not. I know how much he needs the connection with me. I get the feeling he does not want to intrude, so he tentatively reaches out to me and only now and then. But if I reach out to him, I get a flurry in return, which indicates to me that he's holding back. So even though I have to work at it sometimes with all the things, I'm dedicated to keeping him in the forefront as long as he needs me to.
I know our situations are vastly different, but all this is to say, I feel you.
A very belated yes, yes, yes. I am your new brother! I'm glad you remember what it's like. And fascinating how common this is. That's great that you have the history with the first biologicals that allowed there to be a tolerable imbalance down the road. Fingers crossed that will happen some day. I remember your wedding so well, when you were definitely sought after by them! xoxo
Sorry, responded to the wrong thread with my comment above :)
One thing that occured to me later was the gender difference. My sisters have always been a lot more willing to reach out, keep contact. My new brother, even though he is in the position that I was years ago, yearning for that connection, like my other biological brothers, rarely reaches out to me. I am almost always the one who contacts him. When I do, there's an eager flurry of responses and phone calls, but he rarely makes the contact first.
I wonder if it would be different for you if you had a sister rather than a brother?
Rachel, Tripp, Erika, A.B.--thank you so much for your comments and cheering-on. And IF and AAS for the likes. Y'all keep me sane. Tripp on yes on Pixies. Those short punchy songs keep you going. Completely right. Shaky shake, levitate me. Love you all.
This makes sense, the tiredness. Hard to maintain that level of emotion maybe. And still okay to feel sad, mad, frustrated and also relieved. And your journey of acceptance with the limits or surprising revelations of others abilities to emphasize - all a journey. What is it? Radical acceptance. Still working on that over here. Love you
Totally, on the radical acceptance. There are more details I want to share that seem both petty and, yes, frustrating/surprising. But for now, just waiting for the rain. I love you back.
After a winter of heavy, heavy snow, and a springtime of regular mountain rains, the steep front yard had filled with fading tulips, irises & a clutch of thick, vibrant grass. Winding down a chat with Minneapolis brother, I was casting about for the right record to play loudly thru these fancy headphones I had been gifted, something to put the juice in my step, a needed nudge or poke to rip the cord on the lawnmower & get started on this arduous chore. A few bands were suggested, typical heavy rock and metal, that I vetoed out of hand. Tim said what about Surfer Rosa/Come on Pilgrim?God-Damn was that the right choice! Hadn’t listened to those records front to back in years, but with my headphones bumping at a dangerous level above the rumble of the lawnmower I was right back into the blistering intensity of those jams, and the hilarious banter between the songs. Having trouble getting motivated for a chore or physical task? Looking for a record that rips to get you through a long drive, or just something to accompany you thru the morning coffee or evening cocktail? Try Come On Pilgrim/Surfer Rosa, full gas. LFG! happy day.
Way to get it done, VAH3!!
So glad the time away helped. I think it's good to get out of your usual setting, just take a break from it. And I totally get the bring "tired of it". Emotions are exhausting!
Emotions can suck it. I mean yeah, we can't make 'em go away (sustainably) but...jeez.
Heavy, knowing *sigh*
I too was the flavor of the month with my biologicals - for almost ten years.
And naively assumed that I would be so forever after
It really ramped up when I had kids - sort of the first of their generation in the family.
And then the next one in line had babies, and *poof* their attention went elsewhere
Ever since, we talk if I call, we text it I text (and almost without fail, I get, "I was just thinking about texting you!"), we email if I send the first, and I see them, only if I hop on a plane.
We now have a history that allows me to do that without it being awkward, and I know you don't have that (yet). But I am clearly yesterday's news, and I will never, despite now knowing them more years than I haven't, truly be one of them (for better or for worse, and there definitely is a better side, though admittedly, it's mostly worse).
And now I have a new brother (I have a new BROTHER!!) and it's so exciting, but now I am the old guard. I don't have the fresh need he has, having been raised an only child by parents who were elderly by the time he started high school, and gone before he was 30, to connect with someone who shares genetic material. But I get it in a way that my bio sibs do not. I know how much he needs the connection with me. I get the feeling he does not want to intrude, so he tentatively reaches out to me and only now and then. But if I reach out to him, I get a flurry in return, which indicates to me that he's holding back. So even though I have to work at it sometimes with all the things, I'm dedicated to keeping him in the forefront as long as he needs me to.
I know our situations are vastly different, but all this is to say, I feel you.
A very belated yes, yes, yes. I am your new brother! I'm glad you remember what it's like. And fascinating how common this is. That's great that you have the history with the first biologicals that allowed there to be a tolerable imbalance down the road. Fingers crossed that will happen some day. I remember your wedding so well, when you were definitely sought after by them! xoxo
Sorry, responded to the wrong thread with my comment above :)
One thing that occured to me later was the gender difference. My sisters have always been a lot more willing to reach out, keep contact. My new brother, even though he is in the position that I was years ago, yearning for that connection, like my other biological brothers, rarely reaches out to me. I am almost always the one who contacts him. When I do, there's an eager flurry of responses and phone calls, but he rarely makes the contact first.
I wonder if it would be different for you if you had a sister rather than a brother?