Awkward

for everyone, including you

I wrote What Not to Say because it isn’t obvious what one should say in a situation like this

When someone’s grandmother dies, you tell them how sorry you are. If you’re Jewish, like I am, you could say yehi zichra baruch. (Well, that’s if you speak Hebrew, which I don’t—I would say “may her memory be a blessing.”)

You throw a a baby shower for pregnant or adopting friends.

If you have cancer, you might get so many fucking casseroles that you start throwing them away. Why make room for them in your overstuffed freezer when all you want is coconut water and Jolly Ranchers?

This is how I imagine it would be, anyway.

There is all that (horrid) squealing over giant diamond rings and intricately choreographed marriage proposals (sorry, but I find this icky.)

And our best friends listen patiently to the same stories over and over and over after breakups, and we do the same for them.

I don’t know what I want to hear from you when I tell you what I know so far.

Nothing great is happening to me, but nothing clearly bad, either. I’m not unwell, yet there’s no occasion to celebrate.