Updates

not a very exciting title

But it took me a bit to figure out that a post is now an “article” so I spent too much time on the Substack dashboard and have lost some steam.

So I talked on the phone with my dad-who’s-not-dead last week! He and my dad-who’s-dead/dad who raised me shared the same profession—I’m pretty sure I wrote about this but I’ll have to go back and reread.

I’m having a procedure done that I’d normally talk with my dad about, as it’s in his field. So I texted donor and he asked if he could call me. It was so great to chat easily with him.

When I answered the phone he said “hey girl, how’s it going?” I love that he called me that. I think he did when I met him, too. It reminds me of my father-in-law—a very low key, easy way of being.

It was so helpful in terms of prep for the procedure, and also just realizing that there was this kind adult who knows about me. And a parent who’s not dead.

I do wonder if he ever thinks of me as his kid in any way, or his relative.

He had a major emergency medical procedure recently which terrified me—three years in a row of dying parents was a bit much. He seems to be recovering well.

I am going to see them next month! Him, his wife, my brother, brother’s family…my niece will be out there with her kids then too. I’m not pretending that I’m stopping by on my way to or from somewhere—just going to visit them! It’s a big deal.

My brother I grew up with hasn’t told his kids that we have different bio dads. I wonder if he ever will. They are 13 and 15. Same with my stepsister and her kids (my mom’s husband’s daughter)—and they are the same ages as my kids. So none of my kid’ cousins knows which seems odd to me. Not that they’d probably think too much of it, but since it’s not a secret in my world it’s strange that it’s not just part of our family story.

I’m not telling them myself, but I’m also not making any efforts to hide my truth.

This is why it’s a bit weird—bio dad lives a few hours from where I grew up and where my stepdad/that whole family lives. I’ll be going up there, but won’t be seeing them. If the cousins knew I was going out there but not visiting and asked what I was doing there what would their parents say? This might not be a likely scenario, but something like this could come up.

I’m on a sabbatical of sorts from work but that’s coming to an end and I have to find a way to make money again. I really don’t want to go back to my old line of work. It’s become a kind of icky environment.

Just a little update, and thanks for reading.