Our relationship with our parents is a bizarre one -these people who are the world to us as we grow up, that we rebel against during the strains of teen years as we separate and, hopefully, we all (parents and child) mature into having an adult relationship. There is always some negotiation, I think, with the adult version of the parent/child relationship whether it is to stay within a purely adoration state of childhood or to move on to a more mature relationship which in your case, my case too, meant accepting our mothers and their follies and loving them and enjoying a relationship with them. And however our mums were we moved forward and loved them, liked them for huge parts of who they are while accepting these other pieces. It’s as if you had that and then there was this huge wrench thrown into the relationship and you have to renegotiate, but the bargaining table is overwhelmed with issues for you to deal with and she keeps pushing more to your end of the table. The enormity of the knowledge that your dad is not biologically related has been superseded by the ongoing violation of the adult relationship you have with your mum, by your mum. How do you move forward in that relationship-I don’t know. I think I’d hold on tight to the humility and compassion with which your dad has shown the situation. Renegotiating our relationship with our parents at 50 something? Oy! Love you much.
Love you so much too. As you know you have been a rock for me during this—how lucky I am to have a friend in whose backyard I can dissociate! 😘😘
And obvious to everything that you said. So many decades of accepting and understanding and finding a place for all of our imperfections. Even appreciating them. I just don’t know what to do with this. Exactly.
How she attempted to turn it around on you...no. I was gasping with rage on your behalf.
Thank you my darling. I know you understand that feeling of having things turned around you. Thank g for all the good music. 😍
Our relationship with our parents is a bizarre one -these people who are the world to us as we grow up, that we rebel against during the strains of teen years as we separate and, hopefully, we all (parents and child) mature into having an adult relationship. There is always some negotiation, I think, with the adult version of the parent/child relationship whether it is to stay within a purely adoration state of childhood or to move on to a more mature relationship which in your case, my case too, meant accepting our mothers and their follies and loving them and enjoying a relationship with them. And however our mums were we moved forward and loved them, liked them for huge parts of who they are while accepting these other pieces. It’s as if you had that and then there was this huge wrench thrown into the relationship and you have to renegotiate, but the bargaining table is overwhelmed with issues for you to deal with and she keeps pushing more to your end of the table. The enormity of the knowledge that your dad is not biologically related has been superseded by the ongoing violation of the adult relationship you have with your mum, by your mum. How do you move forward in that relationship-I don’t know. I think I’d hold on tight to the humility and compassion with which your dad has shown the situation. Renegotiating our relationship with our parents at 50 something? Oy! Love you much.
Love you so much too. As you know you have been a rock for me during this—how lucky I am to have a friend in whose backyard I can dissociate! 😘😘
And obvious to everything that you said. So many decades of accepting and understanding and finding a place for all of our imperfections. Even appreciating them. I just don’t know what to do with this. Exactly.