I’m so tired of talking about how I feel, what I want, what I’m not getting, what is or isn’t owed to me by any number of people, and what I do or don’t owe to them, and what I should or shouldn’t say and to whom. So, fuck all that for right now.
Let me instead tell you about friends who save lives.
T is one of my best friends and has been for over half my life now (I’m just doing the math on this—whoa!) He’s one of those people who has always understood and accepted me and one of the only people I’ve been able to be utterly myself around. I just feel safe with him, trusting and quietly supported without judgment.
A little over a year ago I was still very much in a numb/disoriented/overwhelmed place. There was nothing in particular to do about it. I was already in therapy, and my husband was a great support as were my local pals. Mostly I sat in the backyard and looked at trees and clouds. Sadly, I missed out on a lot of birds last spring.
Around this time, T, who lives farther away than I’d like, decided to come for a visit. He decided he wanted a little getaway. His job and life aren’t easy to slip away from, so it was such a welcome treat. (T—if you are reading—I know it has been ridiculously long since I’ve visited you—and I can’t wait for a getaway of my own to your town.)
He had a little Airbnb nearby and we did a lot of hanging out and doing not much of anything. Being with him was exactly what I needed. For the first time since a couple of DNA sites exploded my understanding of the world, I felt I could breathe normally. We didn’t really talk about anything in particular and weren’t together all the time.
But the familiarity of our friendship helped ease me back into my life. Our connection was as simple and important and as fun and deep as it’s always been, and in turn reminded me that I am still who I have always been.
Thanks, T, a million times for a million things. I don’t know how I’d have made it through the last year (or half a lifetime) without you. I hope that I am there for you when and how you need it.
And, reader, I hope that you have a friend like T. If you do, give thanks, and always remember how lucky you are.
Yay for T!!!
I have two friends like that--M and Z. SINCE KINDERGARTEN!!! But it's now, as adults, that I find they have that effect on me--helping me ease back into my true self, just by sitting around and doing not much of anything. Reflecting back to me who I really am in the easiest of ways. And Z, like T, is a guy. So there is a brotherly aspect now that I truly treasure.